So Today Doug and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary, okay, well, 6th. But if you know us you know why we say 18th. You see, we give ourselves three years for every 1 we have been married. Two reasons, it makes Joe being Doug's boy 'humanly' possible (not just heavenly possible since Joe and Mill were sealed to us) and, also because it catches us up with our friends. Next year we will start counting by one again, so next October 12 we will be at 19. It is always so wonderful for me to see the look of disbelief that crosses peoples faces when I tell them Doug and I are a 'blended family". It happened twice this weekend at youth conference with different adults in the stake. Yesterday, I got a chance to spend the bus ride home talking with a bishop from another ward about our family situation and he told me that he has not seen others be able to blend two families so well. He also commented that the undoing of many subsequent marriages is in fact, the difficulties many face doing just what Doug and I have done. Well in case you want to know our little secret, here it is:
Decide. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?
No kidding. That is it. I pick happy. So much of the undoing of marriages today seems to be in the small stuff. Arguing over little things and putting each other's faults under the microscope. Now that is not to say that Doug and I have never argued in 6 years. Or that I never think his way of doing things is half baked. He too could tell you a story or two about me and the way I view the world. But the message I want to communicate to you my loyal readers here is simple. Doug was married before. He is the SAME MAN. He may be older and perhaps a little wiser, but I think I could probably sit down and talk with his first wife about things that Doug does that drive me crazy and you know what, she would probably say that those were the things that drove her crazy too. Same thing could be said about me and all of my many faults. However, I happen to believe you can't love just part of someone. I also believe with all my heart that Doug does what he thinks is right for our family. He may take a wrong turn on the road of life now and again, but he would never willing drive our car off of a cliff. And if he does take the scenic route, or the wrong route I believe he will get us to our destination eventually. And because I know that, I have decided to just enjoy the ride. I don't need to tell him where to turn, or how to drive for that matter.
I just recently talked with a friend from work who is having a hard time in her own marriage. She was listing all of the reasons her marriage was a failure, all of her spouse's shortcomings, and all of the reasons it would be 'better for everyone' if they split up. When she asked me what I thought, I gave her my old, 'do you wanna be right or do you wanna be happy' line. She replied, "Well that is easy for you to say, you are married to Doug." I just had to laugh and wonder if she even remembered that Doug had been married before. And this same ' perfect Doug' was probably the topic of a conversation or two, or three, much like this one 12 years ago when his ex listed all the reasons it would be 'better for everyone' if they split up.
I am grateful that Doug and I were sealed to each other 18, ummm, 6 years ago today. I am grateful that our children are happy and love each other. I am grateful that Doug has been able to adopt Joey and Millie and we have all been sealed together. And I am eternally grateful that he is my FOREVER man.